I'm Still Here, and Doing Okay!

randompersonrandom

randompersonrandom

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Hey everyone, just dropping a quick note to everyone who reached out to check on me recently: I'm still around. The past month or so has been a relentless pile-on of big life shifts that are healthy but deeply unpleasant, plus my closest friend's cancer situation went from "not a concern" to "this could take her quickly" to "who knows what happens now."

I switched jobs — leaving a team I love so much that more than half of them know the code to my house — to take my literal stated dream role, so I'm in the middle of a huge identity crisis. I stopped smoking in June and stopped vaping in August (I've never felt this depressed or hopeless in my entire life; for weeks my free time has been nothing but lying in the dark, phone games, and junk YouTube). Last Friday I had upper and lower blepharoplasty (the reason I quit smoking), and I'm looking almost good, but recovery is rough.

I just bought a new tongue drum (a pulsar chromatic), which is going to be SO COOL, because I'm learning to busk and have been practicing with the drum I already have.

Earlier tonight I deleted every game from my phone and unfollowed all the YouTube brainrot influencers, and I'm going to start exercising again so I actually feel ALIVE. Right now I can only do gentle things, but that's fine; I had a nice bike ride today, and I'll do another one tomorrow.

Thanks for checking in on me. I can ALMOST feel myself beginning to care about things again, and I'm really looking forward to feeling "normal" again soon. Horrible depression isn't something I usually deal with, but neither is quitting smoking after thirty years, and it is just VICIOUS!

(Also, the title is a song lyric — I definitely do not yet feel fantastic for real 😂 )
 
randompersonrandom said:

Hey everyone, just dropping a quick note to everyone who reached out to check on me recently: I'm still around. The past month or so has been a relentless pile-on of big life shifts that are healthy but deeply unpleasant, plus my closest friend's cancer situation went from "not a concern" to "this could take her quickly" to "who knows what happens now."

I switched jobs — leaving a team I love so much that more than half of them know the code to my house — to take my literal stated dream role, so I'm in the middle of a huge identity crisis. I stopped smoking in June and stopped vaping in August (I've never felt this depressed or hopeless in my entire life; for weeks my free time has been nothing but lying in the dark, phone games, and junk YouTube). Last Friday I had upper and lower blepharoplasty (the reason I quit smoking), and I'm looking almost good, but recovery is rough.

I just bought a new tongue drum (a pulsar chromatic), which is going to be SO COOL, because I'm learning to busk and have been practicing with the drum I already have.

Earlier tonight I deleted every game from my phone and unfollowed all the YouTube brainrot influencers, and I'm going to start exercising again so I actually feel ALIVE. Right now I can only do gentle things, but that's fine; I had a nice bike ride today, and I'll do another one tomorrow.

Thanks for checking in on me. I can ALMOST feel myself beginning to care about things again, and I'm really looking forward to feeling "normal" again soon. Horrible depression isn't something I usually deal with, but neither is quitting smoking after thirty years, and it is just VICIOUS!

(Also, the title is a song lyric — I definitely do not yet feel fantastic for real 😂 )
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You were missed. Appreciate you checking in . . . so much positive stuff!
 
Awwww, Ms random....I've been thinking about you and wishing you were doing okay. So much hard stuff, but there's a massive circle of support here that adores you.......or just sits eagerly waiting for your next epic post...or maybe both, I mean both is possible, love epic...epic love... 😳

So. I'm so happy for the update.....2 love eyes for ya...😍😍
 
Thanks for asking about me—your absence has definitely been felt. ❤️

Sounds like you've gotten back on track and are turning your dreams into reality. Here's hoping we can all be that lucky.
 
Really happy you checked in. Plenty of us were concerned while you weren't around the forum. What a month, huh. It's good to hear you're beginning to get through it and that the situation is improving somewhat. Congrats on landing your dream job.
 
Good to hear you're alright. Keep pushing through the nicotine withdrawal. It's surprising how your body's own reward pathways feel once they aren't being taken over. Getting them back online takes some time.
 
swimmer said:

Good to hear you're alright. Keep pushing through the nicotine withdrawal. It's surprising how your body's own reward pathways feel once they aren't being taken over. Getting them back online takes some time.
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Your lungs are going to improve a lot, food will taste different and your sense of smell will get better. That's a complete win. I quit 4 years ago after 47 years of cowboy killers, Marlboro Red box.
 
swimmer said:

Good to hear you're alright. Keep pushing through the nicotine withdrawal. It's surprising how your body's own reward pathways feel once they aren't being taken over. Getting them back online takes some time.
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Hearing that gives me hope. I've been telling myself this fog of meaningless anguish won't last forever—it'll lift once my brain settles—and that eventually I'll be more than okay, I'll be good. But damn, this stretch has been rough.
 
randompersonrandom said:

swimmer said:

Good to hear you're alright. Keep pushing through the nicotine withdrawal. It's surprising how your body's own reward pathways feel once they aren't being taken over. Getting them back online takes some time.
Click to expand...
Hearing that gives me hope. I've been telling myself this fog of meaningless anguish won't last forever—it'll lift once my brain settles—and that eventually I'll be more than okay, I'll be good. But damn, this stretch has been rough.
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Stick a hefty pinch of Copenhagen in for me, mama. I kicked the habit 2 years back and relied on disposable e-cigs, which at first felt like a totally inadequate substitute. By the 3-month mark, though, I actually liked them more.
 
Great! It's good to know you're pulling through. Appreciate you stopping by. Nice work kicking the cigarettes — that required real determination.
 
Seems like you could use a little time to yourself ❤️🧘‍♀️ nice work on the job, and the eyes, my condolences about your friend.
 
I'd been asking myself where you'd gone off to. Things just don't feel right with you not around. Wishing you a complete and speedy bounce-back, and that the DREAM JOB turns out even better than anything you pictured.

We'll leave a light burning for you.
 
Good to know you're hitting those targets — they're serious ones!

It's great that your friend can lean on you; I've had my own run-ins with the Big C, and facing that solo is rough.

Things around here lose some sparkle when you're not posting, so hopefully this means you'll drop in more regularly.

Here's the forum minus you:
 
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