Parents/guardians of college students

[Foggy-Hollow]

My eldest heads to State U in /checks calendar/ 5 days, a freshman settling into the dorms. He's got a solid mind and will manage well. He's also a teenage guy I spoke with yesterday about “i_am_so_smart”… plus a handful of other typical missteps.

A few local teens have lost their lives in college, so we've covered “pot isn’t safe” and “we love you even if you get an OWI.”

At times I'm okay. At times I'm “okay.” He has 1 younger sibling; without him, the house will be much quieter. Perhaps that's what's sneaking up on me: if he chooses an internship next summer or doesn't come back, this could well be it. And that's okay…. But I'm still processing it.

Can I get a witness? Anyone else sending college students off?

 

[Skidude]

Foggy-Hollow said:

My eldest heads to State U in /checks calendar/ 5 days, a freshman settling into the dorms. He's got a solid mind and will manage well. He's also a teenage guy I spoke with yesterday about “i_am_so_smart”… plus a handful of other typical missteps.

A few local teens have lost their lives in college, so we've covered “pot isn’t safe” and “we love you even if you get an OWI.”

At times I'm okay. At times I'm “okay.” He has 1 younger sibling; without him, the house will be much quieter. Perhaps that's what's sneaking up on me: if he chooses an internship next summer or doesn't come back, this could well be it. And that's okay…. But I'm still processing it.

Can I get a witness? Anyone else sending college students off?

Right now, a ton of my friends and neighbors are in the middle of this exact situation.

For them, it's definitely an adjustment, and no two are handling it the same way.

There's more than 1 in my circle who can't wait for it.....

Then there are those who feel a bit down..

Honestly, all I can say is: Good Job Mom. You raised a son and got him into higher education — that means you did something right!

 

[Foggy-Hollow]

First generation college grad here - it hits me that my parents broke the generational pattern simply by finding a way to send me.

 

[Stace_wow]

Foggy-Hollow said:

My eldest heads to State U in /checks calendar/ 5 days, a freshman settling into the dorms. He's got a solid mind and will manage well. He's also a teenage guy I spoke with yesterday about “i_am_so_smart”… plus a handful of other typical missteps.

A few local teens have lost their lives in college, so we've covered “pot isn’t safe” and “we love you even if you get an OWI.”

At times I'm okay. At times I'm “okay.” He has 1 younger sibling; without him, the house will be much quieter. Perhaps that's what's sneaking up on me: if he chooses an internship next summer or doesn't come back, this could well be it. And that's okay…. But I'm still processing it.

Can I get a witness? Anyone else sending college students off?

I hope you'll pardon how little I know here, but could you clarify what "pot isn't safe" actually refers to?

 

[AllCourtTENNIS]

Now I'm the one looking back on it. My pride and joy finished undergrad last year, then switched schools for grad school. He's much nearer these days, but there's no mistaking that he's a grown man rather than the boy who moved out. Over the past year we've had time together, and more than once I've felt a kind of 'double vision.' I'll be looking at the man, yet at the edge of my sight there are 7 or 8 versions of the kid he used to be, almost visible. Every one of them has been loved and missed by me.

So here's what I'd say: expect to cry while your heart swells with pride.

 

[cheaperseeker]

AllCourtTENNIS said:

Now I'm the one looking back on it. My pride and joy finished undergrad last year, then switched schools for grad school. He's much nearer these days, but there's no mistaking that he's a grown man rather than the boy who moved out. Over the past year we've had time together, and more than once I've felt a kind of 'double vision.' I'll be looking at the man, yet at the edge of my sight there are 7 or 8 versions of the kid he used to be, almost visible. Every one of them has been loved and missed by me.

So here's what I'd say: expect to cry while your heart swells with pride.

Exactly. The sensation is so odd and so powerful.

This year my youngest is going off to college 2000 miles from here. At this point every one of the kids will be living too far off for us to see them regularly. It breaks my heart, and still I'm overjoyed watching them do well.

 

[Foggy-Hollow]

Stace_wow said:

Foggy-Hollow said:

My eldest heads to State U in /checks calendar/ 5 days, a freshman settling into the dorms. He's got a solid mind and will manage well. He's also a teenage guy I spoke with yesterday about “i_am_so_smart”… plus a handful of other typical missteps.

A few local teens have lost their lives in college, so we've covered “pot isn’t safe” and “we love you even if you get an OWI.”

At times I'm okay. At times I'm “okay.” He has 1 younger sibling; without him, the house will be much quieter. Perhaps that's what's sneaking up on me: if he chooses an internship next summer or doesn't come back, this could well be it. And that's okay…. But I'm still processing it.

Can I get a witness? Anyone else sending college students off?

I hope you'll pardon how little I know here, but could you clarify what "pot isn't safe" actually refers to?

That's a reasonable thing to ask. I don't have a problem with weed itself. In our hometown, a student died after smoking pot that had been laced with fentanyl. He'd been a DIII scholarship athlete, then moved to a DI as a regular student and was letting loose. He fell asleep that night and never woke up. So unless I personally see someone opening the pack from the dispensary, I'll steer clear, and I've told my kids to do the same. A more precise way to put it would be "pot from a random party isn't safe."

AllCourtTENNIS said:

Now I'm the one looking back on it. My pride and joy finished undergrad last year, then switched schools for grad school. He's much nearer these days, but there's no mistaking that he's a grown man rather than the boy who moved out. Over the past year we've had time together, and more than once I've felt a kind of 'double vision.' I'll be looking at the man, yet at the edge of my sight there are 7 or 8 versions of the kid he used to be, almost visible. Every one of them has been loved and missed by me.

So here's what I'd say: expect to cry while your heart swells with pride.

cheaperseeker said:

AllCourtTENNIS said:

Now I'm the one looking back on it. My pride and joy finished undergrad last year, then switched schools for grad school. He's much nearer these days, but there's no mistaking that he's a grown man rather than the boy who moved out. Over the past year we've had time together, and more than once I've felt a kind of 'double vision.' I'll be looking at the man, yet at the edge of my sight there are 7 or 8 versions of the kid he used to be, almost visible. Every one of them has been loved and missed by me.

So here's what I'd say: expect to cry while your heart swells with pride.

Exactly. The sensation is so odd and so powerful.

This year my youngest is going off to college 2000 miles from here. At this point every one of the kids will be living too far off for us to see them regularly. It breaks my heart, and still I'm overjoyed watching them do well.

YES. Such a mix of All The Feels.

 

[Stace_wow]

I get why you're worried. What follows is purely informational — I'm not trying to sway anyone — just offering some perspective, and I hope it brings you a little peace of mind….

Fent-laced weed isn't real. Far more likely, whoever described what happened wasn't telling the truth.

Apply flame to fent and the flame destroys the fent….leaving it ‘bunk’ and useless….in the same way, ‘vaping’ fent couldn't work either, since that chemical compound only vaporizes at 4 times the heat a weed pen puts out. And touching it isn't instantly dangerous . All of this is fear mongering. I have ideas about where it originates, but that's a topic for another time lol.

I spent my whole 20’s using illicit substances — and I mean every single one, weed included (still illegal in those days lol) — and I NEVER got anything ‘extra’ thrown in for free…not once.

I hope this eases your mind somewhat.

 

[Foggy-Hollow]

Appreciate the kindness.

Stace_wow said:

I get why you're worried. What follows is purely informational — I'm not trying to sway anyone — just offering some perspective, and I hope it brings you a little peace of mind….

Fent-laced weed isn't real. Far more likely, whoever described what happened wasn't telling the truth.

Apply flame to fent and the flame destroys the fent….leaving it ‘bunk’ and useless….in the same way, ‘vaping’ fent couldn't work either, since that chemical compound only vaporizes at 4 times the heat a weed pen puts out. And touching it isn't instantly dangerous . All of this is fear mongering. I have ideas about where it originates, but that's a topic for another time lol.

I spent my whole 20’s using illicit substances — and I mean every single one, weed included (still illegal in those days lol) — and I NEVER got anything ‘extra’ thrown in for free…not once.

I hope this eases your mind somewhat.

In-ter-est-ing. My RN sister passed that along (she's had more firsthand exposure to street drugs than I've had). A quick google search indicates data is limited, and that fent laced pot is regarded as rare. Sincerely, thanks for the info. This is a well off community, some people work extra hard to keep the perfect veneer in place.

I'll sleep a little better, though I wasn't losing too much sleep over it.

Tomorrow we drive in.

 

[Stace_wow]

Foggy-Hollow said:

Appreciate the kindness.

Stace_wow said:

I get why you're worried. What follows is purely informational — I'm not trying to sway anyone — just offering some perspective, and I hope it brings you a little peace of mind….

Fent-laced weed isn't real. Far more likely, whoever described what happened wasn't telling the truth.

Apply flame to fent and the flame destroys the fent….leaving it ‘bunk’ and useless….in the same way, ‘vaping’ fent couldn't work either, since that chemical compound only vaporizes at 4 times the heat a weed pen puts out. And touching it isn't instantly dangerous . All of this is fear mongering. I have ideas about where it originates, but that's a topic for another time lol.

I spent my whole 20’s using illicit substances — and I mean every single one, weed included (still illegal in those days lol) — and I NEVER got anything ‘extra’ thrown in for free…not once.

I hope this eases your mind somewhat.

In-ter-est-ing. My RN sister passed that along (she's had more firsthand exposure to street drugs than I've had). A quick google search indicates data is limited, and that fent laced pot is regarded as rare. Sincerely, thanks for the info. This is a well off community, some people work extra hard to keep the perfect veneer in place.

I'll sleep a little better, though I wasn't losing too much sleep over it.

Tomorrow we drive in.

Happy to pass it along, particularly when it might let a mom rest a little easier.

Wishing you luck <3

 

[Skidude]

Stace_wow said:

I get why you're worried. What follows is purely informational — I'm not trying to sway anyone — just offering some perspective, and I hope it brings you a little peace of mind….

Fent-laced weed isn't real. Far more likely, whoever described what happened wasn't telling the truth.

Apply flame to fent and the flame destroys the fent….leaving it ‘bunk’ and useless….in the same way, ‘vaping’ fent couldn't work either, since that chemical compound only vaporizes at 4 times the heat a weed pen puts out. And touching it isn't instantly dangerous . All of this is fear mongering. I have ideas about where it originates, but that's a topic for another time lol.

I spent my whole 20’s using illicit substances — and I mean every single one, weed included (still illegal in those days lol) — and I NEVER got anything ‘extra’ thrown in for free…not once.

I hope this eases your mind somewhat.

It's not something you run into often with Marijuana, since the strains available these days are pretty strong and don't cost much. Still, cocaine, meth, and ecstasy have definitely become more widespread

When it comes to smoking Fent., I think the information you have may be incomplete — foils are a common sight throughout major drug trafficking corridors nationwide, and it's a well-known way people take fentanyl

Publication from the National Library of Medicine


Checking your browser - reCAPTCHA

Difficulty injecting and fear of overdose motivated transitions from injecting to smoking. Fentanyl was extremely cheap—$10/gram—with variability in quality. Foil was the most commonly used smoking material but glass bubbles, bongs and dabbing devices were also popular. No reliable visible methods for determining fentanyl quality existed, however, participants could gauge potency upon inhalation, and developed techniques to regulate dosage. Several participants reported at least hourly use, some reporting one or more grams of daily fentanyl consumption. Smoking was also very social, with people sharing equipment, drugs and information. Participants raised concerns about hygiene and overdose risk to others arising from shared equipment. Reportedly potent fentanyl ‘residue’ accumulated on smoking materials and was commonly shared/traded/stolen or consumed accidentally with diverse preferences for its use.

Click to expand...

 

[JohnBlutarski]

This weekend we got both kids moved. December marks the end for one. The other is a freshman and shares a room with his 2 closest friends.

My older kid is a complete nerd. More responsible than you could imagine. His fun comes from fishing and gaming. Not a single semester wasted, plus he's spent the last 2.5 years in a well paying internship. An engineering degree is what he'll walk away with.

As for my younger one, 3 days into his apartment and he's already hit 4 fraternity parties, and he's asking for a bigger TV and a new laptop. What the coming months bring is anyone's guess.

 

[Stace_wow]

Skidude said:

Stace_wow said:

I get why you're worried. What follows is purely informational — I'm not trying to sway anyone — just offering some perspective, and I hope it brings you a little peace of mind….

Fent-laced weed isn't real. Far more likely, whoever described what happened wasn't telling the truth.

Apply flame to fent and the flame destroys the fent….leaving it ‘bunk’ and useless….in the same way, ‘vaping’ fent couldn't work either, since that chemical compound only vaporizes at 4 times the heat a weed pen puts out. And touching it isn't instantly dangerous . All of this is fear mongering. I have ideas about where it originates, but that's a topic for another time lol.

I spent my whole 20’s using illicit substances — and I mean every single one, weed included (still illegal in those days lol) — and I NEVER got anything ‘extra’ thrown in for free…not once.

I hope this eases your mind somewhat.

It's not something you run into often with Marijuana, since the strains available these days are pretty strong and don't cost much. Still, cocaine, meth, and ecstasy have definitely become more widespread

When it comes to smoking Fent., I think the information you have may be incomplete — foils are a common sight throughout major drug trafficking corridors nationwide, and it's a well-known way people take fentanyl





View attachment 15

Publication from the National Library of Medicine


Checking your browser - reCAPTCHA

Difficulty injecting and fear of overdose motivated transitions from injecting to smoking. Fentanyl was extremely cheap—$10/gram—with variability in quality. Foil was the most commonly used smoking material but glass bubbles, bongs and dabbing devices were also popular. No reliable visible methods for determining fentanyl quality existed, however, participants could gauge potency upon inhalation, and developed techniques to regulate dosage. Several participants reported at least hourly use, some reporting one or more grams of daily fentanyl consumption. Smoking was also very social, with people sharing equipment, drugs and information. Participants raised concerns about hygiene and overdose risk to others arising from shared equipment. Reportedly potent fentanyl ‘residue’ accumulated on smoking materials and was commonly shared/traded/stolen or consumed accidentally with diverse preferences for its use.

Click to expand...

When I mention fire touching fent, I mean inside a joint. Yes, I know about—and have done—smoking off foil, and that is not the same as putting flame straight onto it. **Edited to add....smoking off foil is difficult to do cause you have to control the heat which is difficult to do with a bic and reynolds wrap

Suppose someone suggests "lets smoke some weed" and then produces foil—right there you'd realize it isn't just weed going in. What I'm really getting at is that "lacing" weed probably isn't what's going on.

 

[Skidude]

Stace_wow said:

Skidude said:

Stace_wow said:

I get why you're worried. What follows is purely informational — I'm not trying to sway anyone — just offering some perspective, and I hope it brings you a little peace of mind….

Fent-laced weed isn't real. Far more likely, whoever described what happened wasn't telling the truth.

Apply flame to fent and the flame destroys the fent….leaving it ‘bunk’ and useless….in the same way, ‘vaping’ fent couldn't work either, since that chemical compound only vaporizes at 4 times the heat a weed pen puts out. And touching it isn't instantly dangerous . All of this is fear mongering. I have ideas about where it originates, but that's a topic for another time lol.

I spent my whole 20’s using illicit substances — and I mean every single one, weed included (still illegal in those days lol) — and I NEVER got anything ‘extra’ thrown in for free…not once.

I hope this eases your mind somewhat.

It's not something you run into often with Marijuana, since the strains available these days are pretty strong and don't cost much. Still, cocaine, meth, and ecstasy have definitely become more widespread

When it comes to smoking Fent., I think the information you have may be incomplete — foils are a common sight throughout major drug trafficking corridors nationwide, and it's a well-known way people take fentanyl





View attachment 15

Publication from the National Library of Medicine


Checking your browser - reCAPTCHA

Difficulty injecting and fear of overdose motivated transitions from injecting to smoking. Fentanyl was extremely cheap—$10/gram—with variability in quality. Foil was the most commonly used smoking material but glass bubbles, bongs and dabbing devices were also popular. No reliable visible methods for determining fentanyl quality existed, however, participants could gauge potency upon inhalation, and developed techniques to regulate dosage. Several participants reported at least hourly use, some reporting one or more grams of daily fentanyl consumption. Smoking was also very social, with people sharing equipment, drugs and information. Participants raised concerns about hygiene and overdose risk to others arising from shared equipment. Reportedly potent fentanyl ‘residue’ accumulated on smoking materials and was commonly shared/traded/stolen or consumed accidentally with diverse preferences for its use.

Click to expand...

When I mention fire touching fent, I mean inside a joint. Yes, I know about—and have done—smoking off foil, and that is not the same as putting flame straight onto it. **Edited to add....smoking off foil is difficult to do cause you have to control the heat which is difficult to do with a bic and reynolds wrap

Suppose someone suggests "lets smoke some weed" and then produces foil—right there you'd realize it isn't just weed going in. What I'm really getting at is that "lacing" weed probably isn't what's going on.

Okay, that clears it up—

I ended up searching for it, and wow, it really goes against what you'd expect. I've also watched clips of folks doing that kind of smoking.

Seems like what they're actually doing is "vaping," and when it's in a joint, vaporizing is far less probable since the cherry burns so hot.

Just one of those strange bits of knowledge you pick up along the way...

My bad for questioning you

 

[Stace_wow]

No worries! It's a strange topic to have lived through and know a lot about

 

[lastresort]

Foggy-Hollow said:

Stace_wow said:

Foggy-Hollow said:

My eldest heads to State U in /checks calendar/ 5 days, a freshman settling into the dorms. He's got a solid mind and will manage well. He's also a teenage guy I spoke with yesterday about “i_am_so_smart”… plus a handful of other typical missteps.

A few local teens have lost their lives in college, so we've covered “pot isn’t safe” and “we love you even if you get an OWI.”

At times I'm okay. At times I'm “okay.” He has 1 younger sibling; without him, the house will be much quieter. Perhaps that's what's sneaking up on me: if he chooses an internship next summer or doesn't come back, this could well be it. And that's okay…. But I'm still processing it.

Can I get a witness? Anyone else sending college students off?

I hope you'll pardon how little I know here, but could you clarify what "pot isn't safe" actually refers to?

That's a reasonable thing to ask. I don't have a problem with weed itself. In our hometown, a student died after smoking pot that had been laced with fentanyl. He'd been a DIII scholarship athlete, then moved to a DI as a regular student and was letting loose. He fell asleep that night and never woke up. So unless I personally see someone opening the pack from the dispensary, I'll steer clear, and I've told my kids to do the same. A more precise way to put it would be "pot from a random party isn't safe."

AllCourtTENNIS said:

Now I'm the one looking back on it. My pride and joy finished undergrad last year, then switched schools for grad school. He's much nearer these days, but there's no mistaking that he's a grown man rather than the boy who moved out. Over the past year we've had time together, and more than once I've felt a kind of 'double vision.' I'll be looking at the man, yet at the edge of my sight there are 7 or 8 versions of the kid he used to be, almost visible. Every one of them has been loved and missed by me.

So here's what I'd say: expect to cry while your heart swells with pride.

cheaperseeker said:

AllCourtTENNIS said:

Now I'm the one looking back on it. My pride and joy finished undergrad last year, then switched schools for grad school. He's much nearer these days, but there's no mistaking that he's a grown man rather than the boy who moved out. Over the past year we've had time together, and more than once I've felt a kind of 'double vision.' I'll be looking at the man, yet at the edge of my sight there are 7 or 8 versions of the kid he used to be, almost visible. Every one of them has been loved and missed by me.

So here's what I'd say: expect to cry while your heart swells with pride.

Exactly. The sensation is so odd and so powerful.

This year my youngest is going off to college 2000 miles from here. At this point every one of the kids will be living too far off for us to see them regularly. It breaks my heart, and still I'm overjoyed watching them do well.

YES. Such a mix of All The Feels.

That brings back a memory...while I was in grad school in North Carolina, there was a particular spot in the neighborhood close to campus that had a reputation for drug deals. A young person lost their life there when a deal went wrong. It's such a tragic way for a young life to be cut short.

 

[Foggy-Hollow]

JohnBlutarski said:

This weekend we got both kids moved. December marks the end for one. The other is a freshman and shares a room with his 2 closest friends.

My older kid is a complete nerd. More responsible than you could imagine. His fun comes from fishing and gaming. Not a single semester wasted, plus he's spent the last 2.5 years in a well paying internship. An engineering degree is what he'll walk away with.

As for my younger one, 3 days into his apartment and he's already hit 4 fraternity parties, and he's asking for a bigger TV and a new laptop. What the coming months bring is anyone's guess.

That's a heck of a difference, lol

When it comes to mine, it's typically a lot closer to what you described first. I figure that tracks, since both my husband/dad and I hold STEM degrees. My hope is that he steers clear of one specific online game that has had way too much of his attention this summer.

As for your 2nd, it sounds a lot like recruitment to me- back when I was on campus, that's how it went for the guys. To remain in the house he'll need to keep his grades up, but ... there's more to the whole arrangement than just that. Best of luck.

Mine has moved in and is fairly well settled. About an hour after we headed out, we got a call- he forgot his pillow. Thankfully, that's a simple thing to sort out.

 

[JohnBlutarski]

My main worry is this: we're acquainted with the parents of his roommate, and we're aware that they're fairly permissive. We're not like that. Drinking will surely happen to some degree; anything beyond that is a hard no in our house. Even drinking gets strongly discouraged. My hope is that if both boys make it through these high-risk years, they'll be able to choose more wisely and act with greater maturity.

Honestly, it surprises me how many laid-back parents there are around here. We're definitely not among them. lol I think we've given both boys a way of life that comes with a fair set of standards. Should both of them finish school without debt, and add work experience on top of that, their odds of doing well are strong.

Anyway—here's to a great semester!

 

[cheaperseeker]

JohnBlutarski said:

My main worry is this: we're acquainted with the parents of his roommate, and we're aware that they're fairly permissive. We're not like that. Drinking will surely happen to some degree; anything beyond that is a hard no in our house. Even drinking gets strongly discouraged. My hope is that if both boys make it through these high-risk years, they'll be able to choose more wisely and act with greater maturity.

Honestly, it surprises me how many laid-back parents there are around here. We're definitely not among them. lol I think we've given both boys a way of life that comes with a fair set of standards. Should both of them finish school without debt, and add work experience on top of that, their odds of doing well are strong.

Anyway—here's to a great semester!

When you say off limits, what exactly does that mean? Are there rules they're expected to obey? If they're legal adults—which most college students are—that strikes me as very unusual.

I'm with you that if we're footing the bill for their education, we can expect them to do well. My kids understand that failed classes have to be repaid to us, and that if their overall performance isn't good, the funding stops. But wielding money or tuition as leverage to force them into living the way I believe they should just doesn't seem like it would help them reach their fullest potential—if anything, it works against that.

Letting go as a parent is incredibly hard, and trusting that they'll make it through is too. Still, college is exactly the moment when they should get the freedom to screw up and figure out how to bounce back by themselves—or, when they can't manage alone, to recognize when they need to reach out. To me, that's about moving past my own anxieties and meeting them where they are developmentally, not about being "lax."

 

[bamagirl26]

Foggy-Hollow said:

My eldest heads to State U in /checks calendar/ 5 days, a freshman settling into the dorms. He's got a solid mind and will manage well. He's also a teenage guy I spoke with yesterday about “i_am_so_smart”… plus a handful of other typical missteps.

A few local teens have lost their lives in college, so we've covered “pot isn’t safe” and “we love you even if you get an OWI.”

At times I'm okay. At times I'm “okay.” He has 1 younger sibling; without him, the house will be much quieter. Perhaps that's what's sneaking up on me: if he chooses an internship next summer or doesn't come back, this could well be it. And that's okay…. But I'm still processing it.

Can I get a witness? Anyone else sending college students off?

My youngest headed off for senior year — that's my third one. Can't quite wrap my head around the fact that the nest will be empty before long!!