Parents/guardians of college students

You all are way more forgiving than I am! My stance with my kids was clear: college is on them to fund, whether through every scholarship they can land or by enlisting, because I won't be footing the bill. This fall my oldest starts school, and my biggest fear isn't anything dramatic — it's that he'll game all night, snooze through lectures, and flunk out. I can't be too hard on him for that, though, since I did the same thing my first year and washed out because I'd rather do anything but show up to class. During high school we reached a point where we had to step back and let him fail, since our help went nowhere when he refused to put in any work himself. Fortunately, the lesson stuck fast, and he's been pretty dependable ever since.
 
harganoff said:

You all are way more forgiving than I am! My stance with my kids was clear: college is on them to fund, whether through every scholarship they can land or by enlisting, because I won't be footing the bill. This fall my oldest starts school, and my biggest fear isn't anything dramatic — it's that he'll game all night, snooze through lectures, and flunk out. I can't be too hard on him for that, though, since I did the same thing my first year and washed out because I'd rather do anything but show up to class. During high school we reached a point where we had to step back and let him fail, since our help went nowhere when he refused to put in any work himself. Fortunately, the lesson stuck fast, and he's been pretty dependable ever since.
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I had major concerns that my son would lose control once he got to college, yet that never happened. His sisters probably raised the standard so much that he couldn't help but meet it. It's such a relief that he's now in senior year!
 
I shared this on another board, but the years you'll spend with your kids once they're grown stretch much further than the childhood stretch...roughly 18 summers is all you get while they're little...so make the most of them...

That said, grown children bring their own joys...My 2 daughters and 1 son are all in their 30s now, each in a long-term partnership (2 wed, 1 betrothed), all 3 have homes of their own, hold steady jobs, enjoy good health and are genuinely wonderful company...

Call it the luck of the draw, and I count myself blessed...plenty of folks who are better than me have faced their own struggles and sorrows with their kids...

Still...I've just wrapped up a 2-3 day stay with my daughter, and after that the two of us flew out to see my son, his wife and my 2 year old grandson... 😍

The real jackpot waiting at the far end of the parenting journey, once the kids have moved out, is Grandbabies! May everyone here be lucky enough to know that joy...👍🙂
 
Flash-BCR said:

I shared this on another board, but the years you'll spend with your kids once they're grown stretch much further than the childhood stretch...roughly 18 summers is all you get while they're little...so make the most of them...

That said, grown children bring their own joys...My 2 daughters and 1 son are all in their 30s now, each in a long-term partnership (2 wed, 1 betrothed), all 3 have homes of their own, hold steady jobs, enjoy good health and are genuinely wonderful company...

Call it the luck of the draw, and I count myself blessed...plenty of folks who are better than me have faced their own struggles and sorrows with their kids...

Still...I've just wrapped up a 2-3 day stay with my daughter, and after that the two of us flew out to see my son, his wife and my 2 year old grandson... 😍

The real jackpot waiting at the far end of the parenting journey, once the kids have moved out, is Grandbabies! May everyone here be lucky enough to know that joy...👍🙂
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Oh wow, I'm so envious — though my turn will arrive eventually. Right now I'm on holiday with my 2 unmarried grown daughters, and I'm enjoying every second.
 
My only child headed across the country for college to be with the person they dated in high school, who served in the military. They finished their degree, tied the knot, and then moved around to different states for a string of trainings as a military spouse. Only a few weeks back, I found out their ask to be posted back home once the last training wrapped up was approved. They're coming home! Take heart, sometimes they fly back. 🙂
 
Nothing here strikes me as wrong. I'll admit there's a chance my wife and I are projecting our own baggage from growing up with siblings onto our sons. Each of us has a brother or sister who contributes nothing and just takes from everyone around them. That shaped a big chunk of our younger years, sticking us with obligations we never signed up for. Honestly, it feels close to some form of PTSD. So yeah, I keep asking myself whether I'm the jerk. lol If one of them is going to go sideways, I'd rather it happen at this stage.
 
JohnBlutarski said:

Nothing here strikes me as wrong. I'll admit there's a chance my wife and I are projecting our own baggage from growing up with siblings onto our sons. Each of us has a brother or sister who contributes nothing and just takes from everyone around them. That shaped a big chunk of our younger years, sticking us with obligations we never signed up for. Honestly, it feels close to some form of PTSD. So yeah, I keep asking myself whether I'm the jerk. lol If one of them is going to go sideways, I'd rather it happen at this stage.
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Calling you an asshole would be way off base. Every one of us is doing whatever we can to give our kids the best possible life, using whatever approach we've got. I'm always looking at things again and adjusting course. If I had the chance, there's a lot I'd do differently. With any luck, our kids will only need a tiny bit of therapy 😅
 
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