can y'all keep a secret? (tw: possible eating disorder?)

[lil ghost]

When I began tirz, my BMI sat at the low edge of the "healthy" window — roughly 105 pounds at 5'3". Getting leaner had always been a goal of mine, and I figured this could help me stay on top of what I eat. On the whole, things have felt good. I work out 3 times a week, log my calories, push protein as high as I can, that whole routine. My clothes fit looser, and for the first time I look in the mirror and genuinely notice a change.

Then I stepped on the scale recently and was somewhat stunned: I've gone down to 89 pounds. I know that isn't healthy, and I know that any further loss will start alarming the people around me. Yet apart from being underweight, I don't believe I show any eating disorder symptoms. Tiny and petite has always been what I wanted, and at last I feel like I'm nearing the body I used to only dream about. Food doesn't consume my thoughts either, and I don't punish myself after overeating the way I used to before tirz. Honestly, I just feel... content? I've never once been satisfied with how I look, and now it seems like being pretty could actually be within reach for me.

Whether any of this lands with anyone else, I have no clue — I just felt I had to get it off my chest, I suppose.

 

[faloppi]

I don't share that experience myself, but my heart goes out to you. Where are you currently with your tirz dosage? Is it possible to drop down to something smaller — a "maintenance" amount, so to speak — and settle at a slightly higher weight? You'd still quiet some of that mental chatter and feel decent about yourself, while making sure your body has enough mass to stay well. When body fat drops too far, or muscle gets broken down severely, vital organs and the heart can suffer. I'm clearly not a physician, but 89 at 5'3 strikes me as too low for a healthy composition. Honestly, I believe you likely need to put a bit back on. And this may be hard for you to accept given the way you've viewed yourself, but in my view being excessively thin is hardly ever appealing. Even setting that aside, though, none of it matters if your health is compromised. This is a tough post to answer because I want to be helpful and simultaneously avoid saying the wrong thing. Still, posting this makes it obvious you're after some input.

 

[Silver]

If it's possible for you, I believe speaking with someone would be worthwhile. Seek out an actual professional's assessment. And even in the case that no disorder is present, they might be able to point you toward a nutritionist, so that at the very least you can be sure you're eating in a healthy way.

 

[Skidude]

lil ghost said:

When I began tirz, my BMI sat at the low edge of the "healthy" window — roughly 105 pounds at 5'3". Getting leaner had always been a goal of mine, and I figured this could help me stay on top of what I eat. On the whole, things have felt good. I work out 3 times a week, log my calories, push protein as high as I can, that whole routine. My clothes fit looser, and for the first time I look in the mirror and genuinely notice a change.

Then I stepped on the scale recently and was somewhat stunned: I've gone down to 89 pounds. I know that isn't healthy, and I know that any further loss will start alarming the people around me. Yet apart from being underweight, I don't believe I show any eating disorder symptoms. Tiny and petite has always been what I wanted, and at last I feel like I'm nearing the body I used to only dream about. Food doesn't consume my thoughts either, and I don't punish myself after overeating the way I used to before tirz. Honestly, I just feel... content? I've never once been satisfied with how I look, and now it seems like being pretty could actually be within reach for me.

Whether any of this lands with anyone else, I have no clue — I just felt I had to get it off my chest, I suppose.

When I started with compound, they asked whether an eating disorder had ever been part of my history.

My issue was the quantity I consumed, so my answer was no.

Bulimia and anorexia were both listed as choices.

This definitely deserves an open conversation, and it seems like you recognize what's going on and want to handle it.

I appreciate you posting this!

 

[5byfive]

As a therapist whose practice focuses on eating disorders, I have to say: yes, what you're describing includes signs of an eating disorder. It isn't only about the number on the scale — the way you're thinking, as it comes through in what you wrote, is part of it too. My strong suggestion is that you look for a therapist who works specifically with eating disorders.

Before you commit to seeing anyone, ask questions. The sad reality is that a lot of therapists simply tick the 'eating disroders' box on their online profiles while having no real clue what they're doing. This is a highly specialized area. Where I live, the population is roughly a million, and I could probably count on my fingers how many qualified private-practice providers there are. So be careful about who you choose — but do choose someone, and the sooner the better. I realize it may not feel like you're in trouble at this point, and a single post is all I have to base this on, but after reading yours, I'm concerned.

 

[TeresaHip]

I don't have the tiny, petite frame that you do. Even so, I'm starting to suspect an eating disorder is taking hold in me. My husband and I were talking about it just now — in his view, I'm simply not eating. He's begun keeping an eye on me and on how I eat. If he hadn't reminded me, I wouldn't have eaten at all. Between the two of us, we agreed I ought to get counseling. So with all of that said: if there's someone close to you, sit down with them and talk it through. If there isn't, then the call is yours to make.

 

[randompersonrandom]

Heya. So...if it turned out you really were in "oh damn, I went and caught myself an eating disorder" territory, would you want to do anything about it? No judgement from me, because everybody's hoeing a hard row, but if you've gotten this far in terms of thinking about "Hey, what's going on with me and do I need to be considering this?", I'd love to hear what you're thinking your decision tree is here.

 

[lil ghost]

randompersonrandom said:

Heya. So...if it turned out you really were in "oh damn, I went and caught myself an eating disorder" territory, would you want to do anything about it? No judgement from me, because everybody's hoeing a hard row, but if you've gotten this far in terms of thinking about "Hey, what's going on with me and do I need to be considering this?", I'd love to hear what you're thinking your decision tree is here.

I approached the weight loss sort of like a "cut," figuring that once I got slimmer, I could shift my attention to building muscle. I realize the ideal path would be to quit tirz, consume more than my TDEE, and prioritize resistance training, which would let me add muscle mass gradually rather than fat. The trouble is getting my brain on board with the idea that putting on weight is something I need to do, particularly when I both look and feel healthy. My build is basically that of a mini fridge (short and rectangular), so I don't look underweight either. Without stepping on the scale, I never would have suspected my weight had dropped that low.

 

[faloppi]

lil ghost said:

randompersonrandom said:

Heya. So...if it turned out you really were in "oh damn, I went and caught myself an eating disorder" territory, would you want to do anything about it? No judgement from me, because everybody's hoeing a hard row, but if you've gotten this far in terms of thinking about "Hey, what's going on with me and do I need to be considering this?", I'd love to hear what you're thinking your decision tree is here.

I approached the weight loss sort of like a "cut," figuring that once I got slimmer, I could shift my attention to building muscle. I realize the ideal path would be to quit tirz, consume more than my TDEE, and prioritize resistance training, which would let me add muscle mass gradually rather than fat. The trouble is getting my brain on board with the idea that putting on weight is something I need to do, particularly when I both look and feel healthy. My build is basically that of a mini fridge (short and rectangular), so I don't look underweight either. Without stepping on the scale, I never would have suspected my weight had dropped that low.

Building some muscle sounds like a good direction to me. Should you get nearer to the weight you were before, but with a different body % composition, you might still look and feel genuinely good. I understand that frames vary and can appear different, so I hear you on that. Talking to a pro, as suggested, is solid advice that I hope you'll consider.

 

[randompersonrandom]

lil ghost said:

randompersonrandom said:

Heya. So...if it turned out you really were in "oh damn, I went and caught myself an eating disorder" territory, would you want to do anything about it? No judgement from me, because everybody's hoeing a hard row, but if you've gotten this far in terms of thinking about "Hey, what's going on with me and do I need to be considering this?", I'd love to hear what you're thinking your decision tree is here.

I approached the weight loss sort of like a "cut," figuring that once I got slimmer, I could shift my attention to building muscle. I realize the ideal path would be to quit tirz, consume more than my TDEE, and prioritize resistance training, which would let me add muscle mass gradually rather than fat. The trouble is getting my brain on board with the idea that putting on weight is something I need to do, particularly when I both look and feel healthy. My build is basically that of a mini fridge (short and rectangular), so I don't look underweight either. Without stepping on the scale, I never would have suspected my weight had dropped that low.

As I see it, here's the problem with that — and it kind of ties into my own situation: once an eating disorder has taken hold, one of the earliest casualties is your capacity to see yourself accurately. So using your own impression of how you look as a data point would not be safe.

Three women in my family have bulimia, and I'm aware that I have "issues" of my own, so the numbers are what I have to rely on. At 5'5" I'm currently 126, and to me that reads as fat. Plenty of people have confirmed that no, I absolutely am not, which tells me my self-perception can't be trusted. That means 121 (the middle of the lower range) is as far as I could go if I chose to, but not a pound under — regardless of how fat my lying eyes insist I am. If I made my own self-perception the guide, I'd very likely end up harming myself.

 

[Enyola]

When I began tirz, my BMI sat at the low edge of the "healthy" window — roughly 105 pounds at 5'3". Getting leaner had always been a goal of mine, and I figured this could help me stay on top of what I eat. On the whole, things have felt good. I work out 3 times a week, log my calories, push protein as high as I can, that whole routine. My clothes fit looser, and for the first time I look in the mirror and genuinely notice a change.

Then I stepped on the scale recently and was somewhat stunned: I've gone down to 89 pounds. I know that isn't healthy, and I know that any further loss will start alarming the people around me. Yet apart from being underweight, I don't believe I show any eating disorder symptoms. Tiny and petite has always been what I wanted, and at last I feel like I'm nearing the body I used to only dream about. Food doesn't consume my thoughts either, and I don't punish myself after overeating the way I used to before tirz. Honestly, I just feel... content? I've never once been satisfied with how I look, and now it seems like being pretty could actually be within reach for me.

Whether any of this lands with anyone else, I have no clue — I just felt I had to get it off my chest, I suppose.

I don't see it that way. Being aware that something is harmful, yet continuing to do it anyway - that in itself is already a warning sign.

 

[SmellyPrawn]

lil ghost said:

randompersonrandom said:

Heya. So...if it turned out you really were in "oh damn, I went and caught myself an eating disorder" territory, would you want to do anything about it? No judgement from me, because everybody's hoeing a hard row, but if you've gotten this far in terms of thinking about "Hey, what's going on with me and do I need to be considering this?", I'd love to hear what you're thinking your decision tree is here.

I approached the weight loss sort of like a "cut," figuring that once I got slimmer, I could shift my attention to building muscle. I realize the ideal path would be to quit tirz, consume more than my TDEE, and prioritize resistance training, which would let me add muscle mass gradually rather than fat. The trouble is getting my brain on board with the idea that putting on weight is something I need to do, particularly when I both look and feel healthy. My build is basically that of a mini fridge (short and rectangular), so I don't look underweight either. Without stepping on the scale, I never would have suspected my weight had dropped that low.

I get where you're coming from — I'm dealing with an eating disorder myself, plus pretty severe body dysmorphia, which means even at a very low weight I still see a 300lb whale in the mirror.

What you said about the brain refusing to accept that it's time to put on weight is true. For me, it sometimes works better to track measurements rather than step on the scale. As muscle builds, the waist tends to stay about the same size, so having that number stay steady was a way to convince my brain I was still "skinny" and that there was nothing to panic about.

Perhaps easing into resistance training gradually would also help. Your body will signal that it wants more food, and unless you want to feel like a bag of shit, you'd better pay attention to it. It honestly feels good to give your body nutritious food when you know it's what you need.

That said, I'm with the others — please look into seeing a therapist about the possible ED. And as @5byfive pointed out, it really matters that you find someone who genuinely specializes in EDs. I've been through plenty of therapists who meant well but were clueless, and a few actually left me worse off.

So good luck! And take good care of yourself.

 

[Lovedog100]

lil ghost said:

randompersonrandom said:

Heya. So...if it turned out you really were in "oh damn, I went and caught myself an eating disorder" territory, would you want to do anything about it? No judgement from me, because everybody's hoeing a hard row, but if you've gotten this far in terms of thinking about "Hey, what's going on with me and do I need to be considering this?", I'd love to hear what you're thinking your decision tree is here.

I approached the weight loss sort of like a "cut," figuring that once I got slimmer, I could shift my attention to building muscle. I realize the ideal path would be to quit tirz, consume more than my TDEE, and prioritize resistance training, which would let me add muscle mass gradually rather than fat. The trouble is getting my brain on board with the idea that putting on weight is something I need to do, particularly when I both look and feel healthy. My build is basically that of a mini fridge (short and rectangular), so I don't look underweight either. Without stepping on the scale, I never would have suspected my weight had dropped that low.

Here's my best guess, based on what I know. What you're dropping isn't fat — it's muscle. I've got a daughter and 2 granddaughters who both stand 5'2" and weigh 105 lbs. Nobody would look at them and think they ought to shed pounds. In fact, most women would envy that look. Then there's another granddaughter of mine: 4'11", 98 lbs, and she turns heads everywhere — she's got a visible six pack. Compare that to you: 4 inches taller and 9 lbs lighter than she is. Talking to a therapist sounds like a wise move. Something like body dysmorphia seems to be at play, and that can get very risky. I mean it — you have no weight to lose, so please stop.

 

[Gr33dyOctopus]

Lovedog100 said:

lil ghost said:

randompersonrandom said:

Heya. So...if it turned out you really were in "oh damn, I went and caught myself an eating disorder" territory, would you want to do anything about it? No judgement from me, because everybody's hoeing a hard row, but if you've gotten this far in terms of thinking about "Hey, what's going on with me and do I need to be considering this?", I'd love to hear what you're thinking your decision tree is here.

I approached the weight loss sort of like a "cut," figuring that once I got slimmer, I could shift my attention to building muscle. I realize the ideal path would be to quit tirz, consume more than my TDEE, and prioritize resistance training, which would let me add muscle mass gradually rather than fat. The trouble is getting my brain on board with the idea that putting on weight is something I need to do, particularly when I both look and feel healthy. My build is basically that of a mini fridge (short and rectangular), so I don't look underweight either. Without stepping on the scale, I never would have suspected my weight had dropped that low.

Here's my best guess, based on what I know. What you're dropping isn't fat — it's muscle. I've got a daughter and 2 granddaughters who both stand 5'2" and weigh 105 lbs. Nobody would look at them and think they ought to shed pounds. In fact, most women would envy that look. Then there's another granddaughter of mine: 4'11", 98 lbs, and she turns heads everywhere — she's got a visible six pack. Compare that to you: 4 inches taller and 9 lbs lighter than she is. Talking to a therapist sounds like a wise move. Something like body dysmorphia seems to be at play, and that can get very risky. I mean it — you have no weight to lose, so please stop.

Out of all these responses, this is the 1 you should genuinely take to heart. Rather than trusting a bunch of degenerate (no offense, everyone ) Chinese drug slammers on a board who probably struggle with many of the same food issues and dismorphia that you do, think about getting help from a professional.

At the time, it feels like a good idea...

 

[ZetsuM]

Here's yet another argument against going the grey route. It would be wise to book an appointment with a physician and be upfront about the content you shared in this thread — that includes your Tirz use.

You're not past the point of no return yet. My honest suggestion: drop the glp's, continue exercising if that's something you enjoy, and consider a gentle 'clean bulk'. Make protein your priority and work out the macros your body requires (my fitness pal is one option for tracking). Chatgpt can help you with this too, if you'd like. Going that route keeps you looking lean while steering clear of the danger zone!

Also, please talk to a professional.

 

[endlrls]

(Slippery Slope Comment)

Up to a certain degree, I'd say yes.... if someone has ever dealt with weight problems, they're likely prone to an eating disorder — maybe it's "non-active," maybe it's outright body dysmophia.



Honestly, I figure I've got one myself, since I'm constantly joking with the people I work with and my relatives along the lines of "hopefully my f@t ass can do that..." (I'm 195 at 5'11"... my starting weight was 240 years ago)

That's also the reason the Michelin Man serves as my "spirit animal"...

Best of luck to you, OP... you're not the only one going through this.

 

[HouseCat]

Hey there. I’ve dealt with several eating disorders over the years—each one showing up at a different stage of my life—so I want to add my voice to the chorus (third, fourth, fifth…) urging you to find a therapist. If therapists nearby are hard to access, telehealth services such as TalkSpace and BetterHelp are an option. Starting therapy can feel intimidating, and the first person you try might not click…that’s why they call it “work!” Still, believe me when I say a good therapist can transform your life and is worth their weight in gold. Body dysmorphia is a bitch and it’s really hard to handle alone.

I’d also recommend scheduling a checkup and being upfront with your physician, so they know which tests to run and who to refer you to (dietician, therapist, etc.) Many EDs come with sneaky symptoms, so feeling healthy doesn’t guarantee you aren’t experiencing symptoms you simply can’t feel.

Thank you for reaching out for help here! Even though very few of us are qualified to GIVE you help, we can point you to where to GET real help. That was a very brave post! All the best to you!

 

[miameow]

Coming here to share this takes courage, particularly when it's the kind of thing folks are quick to pass judgment on. My guess is that some part of you already senses a change is needed, and that the path you're on might not be safe.

To someone with a larger frame, 16lbs might not seem like much. For you, though, that figure represents more than 15% of your body weight. Regardless of how long it took, that's significant.

On top of that, I suspect you've likely lost a fair amount of muscle. Muscle loss happens easily, particularly during a caloric deficit when there's no resistance training and protein intake is insufficient.

The tricky thing is that the later consequences of extreme weight loss and nutrient deficiency frequently don't appear right away, especially when you're still fairly young. Things can seem okay for a stretch, and then they aren't. I know this from my own life: I put my body through hell in my younger years and paid for it many years afterward. What was damaged back then never healed.

I hope you can see where I'm coming from and find the proper support. Your health genuinely worries me.

 

[dogmom]

Staying at a weight that's too low for a long time does damage. On reddit I've come across folks with anorexia and bulimia who started glp1s and talk about how great it is to have no appetite. But hunger is exactly what a underweight body should feel. It's your body telling you loudly that it needs nutrients.

With obesity it's different: the hunger signals fire because the system is broken. You feel hungry despite having extra fat and despite having just eaten. That's the thing glp1s fix. At 100lbs and 5'3" there's nothing that needs fixing. At 5'3" and 89lbs you're in the range where a heart attack could happen any day. Whether or not you like how it looks doesn't change that.

I hope you're able to get treatment for your eating disorder and stop taking glp1s and other diet drugs. Sadly, I figured that once these kinds of drugs showed up, anorexics would be queuing up for them. They'll misuse anything to drop weight.

 

[LettuceEater]

I think that turning to glp1s in order to get down to extremely low weights amounts to a kind of anorexia or bulimia, comparable to diabulimia. Since 2019 I've been living with EDNOS. The weight I'm aiming for is 89lb (isn't that funny?) And I know that once I actually get there it will likely drop further, the way it always does (it started at 115, then 110, then 100, then 99, then we ended up here). Still, I do recognize that this is disordered. Recovery isn't something I'm ready for yet.